Cliché but be the change you want to see in the world. I’m giving it a go.
T/W: mentions of suicide, miscarriage, substance abuse, psychosis, and rape.
Who the hell knows when things first started, because I sure don’t? I thought I was doing okay until one day I decided I was going to kill myself when my step-mum went out to the shops. If it wasn’t for a last-minute panic call to my friend Elliot, I honestly don’t think I would have made it to 18. He told my short ass to put the knife somewhere high up, so I couldn’t reach it; simple yet effective. What I do know was what happened next. My paranoia came from my step-mum telling me I was a liar when I reached out for help. She’s a nurse believe it or not.
Following this, I began to journey into a dark world where everyone hated me, where no one would believe me, that no matter who I was talking to they didn’t really want to help, they had altera motives. This mindset only got worse when I started at Warwick. It was strange because I never really saw myself as particularly attractive but going to uni proved that I could get validation from almost anyone in a club. There was no altera motives here; it was just sex, a one-night stand with someone I was unlikely to see again. Somehow, I adopted this into my personality, I would embrace being a ‘slag’ ‘slut’ ‘whore’ because it meant that people couldn’t hurt me through intimacy.