I am a Paradox: Depression and Anxiety
Having both depression and anxiety make me a paradox.
My anxiety is constantly worrying me about what I do, making me second guess every decision I make.
My depression is not caring about anything as I feel empty and numb towards the outside world.
This means that my life is a constant roller coaster which I can not control or escape.
Having both anxiety and depression is feeling too exhausted to do anything but then worrying about all the things you could be doing.
It’s wanting to be alone but worrying about being lonely.
It’s wanting friends but not having the energy to socialize.
It’s caring about everything while not caring about anything at all.
It’s having to stay in bed because you can’t move but panicking over the idea of missing a day at school or work.
It’s the fear of being a failure but feeling so hopeless that you have no urge to be productive.
It’s not caring or wanting to have a future while worrying about what your future might look like.
It’s turning down invitations and it’s hurting when the invitations stop.
It’s believing that every unanswered message or canceled plans will end your friendships but it’s not having it in you to follow through.
It’s not being able to fully enjoy the good days because your anxiety reminds you that your next depressive episode is just around the corner.
It’s feeling too much and nothing at all at the same time.