I wanted to write about this because I know there is this stigma with men not talking out about their issues and to show the importance of getting help, however hard it may be, it may save your life.
I can’t really pinpoint exactly when my mental health issues really started, I guess for years I’d been struggling but everything really came crashing down to Earth when my Dad died from pancreatic cancer towards the end of Year 12. The 2 years before that of ups and downs really fucked my head up, from the up point of where I thought he was going to actually survive for a long time, to the point where he went from doing fine to passing away in a matter of weeks. What really fucked my head is when I saw him the day before he died and he was so drugged up because of the pain that it wasn’t him, I wish that wasn’t my last memory of him, although when he whispered to me “I’m so proud of you”, that hit different, I can never forget that moment at all.
I went back to school the next day and managed to take and pass my driving test, if he could live his life normally with cancer for two years then I can continue things as normal. I knew that would be detrimental to my health, but I had to continue to try and distract myself, this did seem to work for quite a while. I always got used to people promising they’d be there to help me, but I knew that was only temporary and one day I would have to get proper help with everything.
At school, there would be times where I would just shut myself off from my friends, and slowly they began to distance themselves from me. This led to me finding a new friendship group, which may have also contributed to my addictive personality, something which I still have to deal with to this day, which some people don’t seem to understand, but that’s okay. However, I’m glad I became friends with this group, some of them really got me through some dark times, and some are still my close friends and I appreciate them a lot.