Some days the only thing I manage to do is shower, and that’s okay.
T/W: Mentions of self-harm and suicide.
Whenever I’m asked how long I have felt this way, the answer is always. Anxious thoughts have always riddled my brain, it’s difficult to pin-point how/where it all started. From paranoia of my looks in high school to quite literally being dropped by my entire friendship group in year 10 and never being told why. This has always stemmed from caring what others think, if you take anything from this story it’s how damaging that mentality actually is.
I arrived at Loughborough in 2016, immediately I was consumed by the Lboro Bubble. My flatmates running for hustings, male attention, Loughborough culture; I was naïve back to not realise how ill I was becoming. I hated my course SO much and it took me a year to find the courage to switch courses from English to Geography. My second first year was a fresh start in my eyes, I ran for my hall committee and got on, but all of this was masked by this niggle in my brain that I felt really unwell. So much so I couldn’t bring myself to go to lectures, I was locking myself in my room and I was starting to engage in really self-destructive behaviour. Depressive episodes, self-harm and drinking; I was becoming really unhealthy and evolving into someone I didn’t like.