Keep smiling, I feel the sunshine coming
When I imagine how my brain was crafted I imagine someone adding 'internal dialogue' and accidentally spilling too much in the mixing bowl. And I oop if I do say so myself. It was a cognitive mishap that turned out to be my greatest superpower, like when spiderman 'accidently' gets bitten by a spider and turns out to be a great superhero. Not that I'll fight goblins, I didn't sleep for 3 weeks after watching that film as a child. But you get the super power narrative.
My cognitions are a gift. And I use the word gift because I used to think of my unique cognitions as unfair. Why did I have the brain processes that just didn't stop. Why could I stay awake till 3 am alive with thought but exhausted with anxiety? Why me? It just wasn't fair. During low stages I was low. Extremely low, a common recluse to my bedroom only leaving for training. Add some bad coping techniques in there and you have made yourself a very grand hole, now figure a way out.
However when I am at a high point, the highs are extremely high.
And for what I used to presume was a burden to myself esteem, performance and just general life-living abilities, turned out to be my greatest strength.