Often it’s those who appear to have the happiest life, or those who get involved the most, that actually end up being the ones who are hurting on the inside.
I recently went to a BBQ where there was someone there from my past that brought up a lot of old thoughts. Seeing this person reminded me of a period of time at sixth form, when some of my “friends” had this running “joke” that I should go and kill myself. Little did they know I already had mental health issues and was already self harming. Their comments of course only made the thoughts worse. Thankfully before it got too serious, I did the sensible thing and ditched the so-called friends and instead spent a lot of time working to get the grades I needed to get in to Loughborough.
Coming to Loughborough University was a fresh new start for me. I soon forgot about the people at Sixth Form and made new friends within LSU, where I fell in love with being a volunteer. Being a volunteer was amazing, and it started to take up more and more of my free time, which at first was okay.
But by second year, I was spending more time at LSU than I was in lectures. This was in part due to being involved in something I love. However it was also in part because I had started to have doubts. Doubts about my abilities as a student, doubts about my course, and some of those intrusive thoughts from Sixth Form started coming back into my mind. In fact, at many points throughout second year I hated my degree, I would do anything to not go to lectures, including giving myself food poisoning on two occasions.